Ou est Le Grand Pamplemousse?

chez moi

You can go back to the old weblog now, I am home.

http://firetperson.typepad.com

I'll see you there.

La neige

It snowed this morning.

Nathalie, my host mom said that the snow was my Christmas present from God.

Snow in Paris and seeing my family in 48 hours.

Not bad. Pas mal du tout.

C'est fini

That's it. The semester in Paris is over. And everyone has gone home except me. Did you know that the city of lights gets lonely? It does. Here's what happened:

Over the course of this semester Paris stopped being a dream and became a reality. Like a picture just slightly out of focus, the edges slowly sharpened, secrets slowly reveald themselves and the city became a part of me, and I a part of it. But in this exchange, there were 6(plus many) other very important people who left their marks on me on Paris and on each other, and now ven the city of my dreams seems lonely without them.

I love Paris, I always will. And as much as it will tear me apart to leave this place in two days, all I want right now is to be home for Christmas.

Read that again.

I didn't think it was possible to want to be anywhere else in the world, because it always seemed that everything I desired was somehow wrapped up in Paris. I used to tell myself that everything would be parfait as soon as I could get here. And now that I am here, and have lived here for the last five months, I realize that life is close to perfect, but that for me, right now, it is waiting on the other side of the ocean.

Still it feels strange to go, to know that my bags are already packed and that soon, I'll wake up far from the boulangerie on the corner, far from Mass at Notre Dame, far from my Saturdays in the Jardin de Luxembourg, far from ma famille D'Antin. I can't really pin it down in words.

My plane leaves in 64 hours.

See you on the other side.

A bientot.

Ahhh je vois, je vois

So, that's what happened. I started getting so wrapped up in my life that I stopped reflecting on it. I stopped noticing the differences between Paris and home, in it's many American forms and I just starting zipping through my days and letting them vanish without a trace, without a single memorable moment sans getting to page 3 of my dissertation or finishing my grammar work à l'heure. Il faut ce ça cesse, maintenant.

I have two weeks left in Paris, two weeks left in this city that for years and years has been my ideal, like Oz or some fabricated never never land to which I escape in all my dreams and fantasies. It still is. Only now I am on the otherside of the Looking Glass, watching life pass at it's maddening pace on the other side of the ocean and I am yearning to get back, to jump in, to start again. I want internet all the time and a cell phone that works, I want to grocery shop on Sunday. I want to be surrounded by people who wear deoderant not just for special occassions and to be in a lit class where I can revel in the poetry and construction of the words.

But at the same time, I can't imaging being anywhere else. Nowhere else but Paris. I came here to find myself, I think, to recover the part of me that has been lying in wait for me to return. A part of my soul has been hiding out in a cafe somewhere and when I pack my bags to come home, that little part of me will remain. I'm coming to see now that I will never be able to tear myself from Paris, but that I also can't stay here forever. I have an enormous amout of work to do before I leave and even more grueling tasks which await me state-side. I need to take my life off of pause and to launch myself into the future.

My feet at this very moment are touching the ground in Paris, I am breathing Parisian air, and typing on Parisian keys. I am here. For today and for fourteen tommorrows. And I'll never really dit au revoir.

Vive la France

Qu'est-ce vous faites hier soir? Moi, j'etais chez mes amis

Last night we had a dinner party, un petit boum de bouteille. Last night, seven of us--les filles, Carol and I, Jason and Matt( later joined by Damon and Natalie)--sat around a table in M&J's swanky Parisian apt. sipping wine, eating home made pizza and bean dip--matt's specialty--and listening to Christmas carols. We were warm and cozy--all huddled around a table--and happy--listening to the Transsiberian Orchestra's Carol of the Bells. We raised our glasses(Dom insisted that we do so together) to a Merry Christmas and clinked them--each looking each other directly in the eye to avoid the french curse of seven years of bad sex, or no sex, whichever is worse. Cheers to a Merry Christmas--when we will all be apart.

Sitting so close and so happily together it seemed strange to me that we would want to celebrate a very near time in our lives when we will all be away from each other. Christmas is coming soon. But last night, there was only fun to be had and time to be together as the wine flowed and the Eiffel Tower sparkled in the window.

When we are celebrating Christmas far apart from each other, seated around cozy tables with our families and other beloved friends, I'll wrap myself up in the memory of this toast, like a blanket to keep me warm.

Qu'est-ce vous faites hier soir? Moi, j'etais chez mes amis

Last night we had a dinner party, un petit boum de bouteille. Last night, seven of us--les filles, Carol and I, Jason and Matt( later joined by Damon and Natalie)--sat around a table in M&J's swanky Parisian apt. sipping wine, eating home made pizza and bean dip--matt's specialty--and listening to Christmas carols. We were warm and cozy--all huddled around a table--and happy--listening to the Transsiberian Orchestra's Carol of the Bells. We raised our glasses(Dom insisted that we do so together) to a Merry Christmas and clinked them--each looking each other directly in the eye to avoid the french curse of seven years of bad sex, or no sex, whichever is worse. Cheers to a Merry Christmas--when we will all be apart.

Sitting so close and so happily together it seemed strange to me that we would want to celebrate a very near time in our lives when we will all be away from each other. Christmas is coming soon. But last night, there was only fun to be had and time to be together as the wine flowed and the Eiffel Tower sparkled in the window.

When we are celebrating Christmas far apart from each other, seated around cozy tables with our families and other beloved friends, I'll wrap myself up in the memory of this toast, like a blanket to keep me warm.

This morning, I took a long hot shower, so hot in fact that when I stepped out of the water and into the salle de bain, I couldn't see-- the room was so thick with steam. My towel scratched against my beet-red skin ad I dried myself off, and I stumbled around the bathroom__ reaching for the door which I knew was there but couldn't see--and then I pushed my way into the hallway, where my body shivered suddenly from the cold. I scrambled blindly to my room to warm up again.

This is how I feel in Paris.

I'm in a fog.I It's December already and I don't know where the time has gone. I don't know what I've been doing to oocupy my days, certainly not writing, and I don't know what happened to my beautiful life in Paris--it seems to be evaporating before my eyes.  First, I suddenly find myself swamped with work which I can't seem to complete because it's in a language other than my own; I'm grappling for the ability to put a sentence together--just a subject and verb please--and I can't seem to arrive at any form of personal or intellectual expression. I can't make heads or tails of my thoughts or arguementation because they all come out in this bizarrely foreign mix of french and english and I can't seem to pin myself down with either language.

I can count the days now until I leave; I can see the hours passing. And, as it is the end of  yet another academic semester, there is a miniscule part of me that is apathetic to the fact that I'm in Paris and just wants to throw in the towel and go home. J'en ai assez. J'ai fini. Je m'en fou. On y va.

And the rest of me feels, just as I felt after the shower this morning: Fresh and clean, renewed, yet trying to hold on to the vapors of warmth and the wonderful feeling of new-ness before they dissipate, before Paris and all that is holds is gone and  I  am out in the cold again.

God, how I wish I could have written that in French.

Back to my Dissertations.

Il reste 19 jours...

Vous pouvez me trouver a la bibliotheque

Alright, I willingly concede that I have had an easy semester. I haven't done a fourth of the work that I would normally do for my university classes and also have not enjoyed them nearly as much as my AU Courses. I miss being so wrapped up in the mindblowing discussions and lecture of my last class that I have to sit in the Lit lounge and mull over my notes until either someone ( Hellllooooo) comes to happily distract me  or I am bursting with a new idea and have to run down the hall to share it with Randon (or someone else if she's in conferences).

But tonight I definitely don't miss the work. It followed me to Paris. I've put in  two 16hour days at the NYU center and U Paris I am beat.

beat.

But I guess I'm just in training for next semester. At least then I'll happily spend my days and nights in Battelle.

Can I put a sleepingbag in someone's office?

Back to the bibliotheque...

Merde

America should be a nation in which:

the religious rights of ALL are protected and acknowledged; not just those of the Religious Right.

the Supreme Court Justices are the guardians of the Constitution, that which above all is sacred to our Nation, not the pawns of a President or party.

The government can't saction love or marriage. Or a woman's body.

the leaders of the free world set an exaple for the rest of the world by building foreign aliies not alienating them.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness (according to one's own volition)are still viable options.

Not anymore.
Not anymore.

I'm so disgusted, saddened and afraid for the State of our Union that I can barely speak.

Sleep tight Lemmings.

La Nuit Americaine

This is it. I am taking a break from my regularly scheduled updates on my expatriate life to embrace my americanism and to talk about, what else?, the elections. Tonight we will elect a new president, just as we do every four years, and every four years with varying degrees we feel an unheaval of government as one administration is turned into the next. Sometimes the transition is more rupturous than others.

I am hoping for a big change.

I know that three years ago I willingly abandoned my political aspirations for more literary pursuits and that I left my country three months ago for one that I generally prefer, but I am still an American and my heart still races with new polling data--eventhough I know you can't believe polls--and I worry and wonder about the State of our Union after tonight. We've been through a lot in the past four years, under questionable leadership and now, since I am living abroad, I am realizing more and more that the US's place in the world is equally as questionable; Americans are not the only ones whose hearts are pounding in anticipation of these election results. The French, the Spanish, the Germans, the Brits, the Saudis, the Afghans, are all waiting to find out the fate of our nation and consequently THEIR world.

As an American living abroad, the first--and really only--question that I've been asked by french citizens is " Are you voting for Bush?" and my answer, to their overwhelming relief is "No. Absolutely not."

Let's hope my vote counts in Ohio.

This election is important for the future of the country and for our position in the global community. Right now, as an American it is NOT easy to make friends overseas. The french view, as it is the one I know best, is that we are fortunate to be responsible for the election of our president and that he is consequently a reflection of the soul and the volition of the American People. What does it mean if GEORGE W BUSH is the incarnation of the soul of America according to the French? They don't hate us because they are snobs. They hate us because of our President. Well, and because most American tourists are ABSURD, but that is another story.

So, I hope that you all vote today, follow your conscience, however it leads you and just know that your vote, your ONE vote has enormous ramifications within and without our Nation.

On a personal note, if Bush wins, I'm not coming home.

Jacques Chirac looks better by the minute.